Futile Sacrifice - 2

- Chapter 2 -
~Saffron~

Soliloquy: "I still love Fabio, and it is torturous. Not that I'm not considering a divorce, but, it is easier if we just break up as lovers, not as spouses - not as parents. I have shared feelings with him before, we now share a daughter. I have communicated with him through the telephone and a rendezvous, we now live under the same roof. It is just challenging to escape into another life without him, knowing it is going to be as crippled. Living with him can be hurtful, but at least Saffron gets to have a father. Living without him will be hard on both of us - my daughter and I."



Eleanor could not go on anymore, being torn between two roads; getting divorced or preserving a family of three, for the sake of Saffron. Therefore, she decided to talk out to her best friend.

"He doesn't love me"

"Yes, he does, Eleanor."

"Okay, he does.. just because I'm his wife and the mother of his child.

 It's not enough to love me.. It is never enough to just love anyone!

All those years, I've been informed that he loves me and that was it. I was oblivious of everything else because I loved him and I still do. You know, what I realize now is that he never proved that he actually does!
How can a man who loves his wife goes behind her back and betray her? How can he just love her because she's providing him with his essentials; love, coitus, and a child."

"So, what do you wish to do now?"

"I just can't fathom being betrayed.
I want my freedom.. .
I want us to be forever detached from one another.. We'll only live together until our daughter is mature enough to understand things."


Eleanor and Fabio are practically separated now, yet under the same ceiling. They both resemble the ocean, Fabio, on a sunny day, and Eleanor, in a hurricane. Still, she chooses to overcome her vulnerability, sacrificing for the good of her daughter, Saffron.

"Even if it's a futile sacrifice - an unfair fight, it's a war of love.. The love for the soul that has come out of my own body."

She says.


- The End -

Futile Sacrifice - 1

Here I am again, getting detached from poetry-like pieces & starting with a short story of two chapters!

I would wanna see your feedback, dear.. quite readers! :)

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- Chapter 1 -

~Fabio~

Fabio, was the love of my life. I could not let a thing bother him, not even a sweet cold breeze. Every time I saw him, I would run into his arms and say "I love you now and forever." He would say words that were sweeter than honey and more delicate than silk. The worst thing, which I did not take into account, was not knowing much about him. I knew he loved me, because he said so. I knew we could one day be spouses, because he said so. I had no reason to trust him, I just did. Despite the universal warnings I received, I got married to him. We called it "the ten years love." Ten years, of having hope in Fabio. Never did I let go. Yes, I waited for too long, but it was worth it - as far as I thought. 

Until one day, negativity started boiling within me. I started recalling all the things everyone told me about him. "What if they were true? What if marriage was the biggest mistake? But we've known each other for so long.. nothing can be true!" I said to myself. Day by day, my intuition drifted me away from him. I did not wish to make it clear. I never wanted to hurt him. He would wake up every morning and tell me "Eleanor, you don't seem happy lately," and I wouldn't know what to say.

I tried to let go of the figments, so I decided to break our no-kids-rule, which was my decision. Fabio was happy yet worried, for pregnancy was a challenge for me, medical-wise. Yet, we got through it. I underwent some treatments that were noticeably helpful, and I finally gave birth to a girl. I named her Saffron. She was the most important thing in my life, along with her father. I always thought that we both were his priorities, too, until I was proven wrong.

As though I foresaw Fabio's side that I never knew. Throughout our relationship of ten years, how could I be blinded? and only figure him out in a matter of three years of our marriage?

He was seeing someone else. I could know it, I could feel it. He would come home with cosmetics stains on his blouse, telling me that he dirtied his outfit while eating with friends. I wasn't stupid but I chose to neglect the things that could turn me into a beast.

I chose to ignore him not because I was weak or impassive. I did that for Saffron, the angel I did not want to grow in a polluted atmosphere. Fabio and I would go out for dinner, we would dance together, we would talk and joke, we would take Saffron out to play, but I would never feel the attachment and bond again.

The Mistimed Weakness

Pride backfired..
It was no longer a strength.
Distress crept into my body and spread like an illness into my veins.
What happened to me? I used to face intolerable levels of pains, and I made it back to my normality, to my sanity.
It suddenly felt like a total transformation, from strong to weak.. from gathered to torn.. from healthy to crippled - all from the inside.

I once planned my whole future, I deplored obstacles.. nothing ever stopped me.
I mourned and wiped my tears, I wept and dried my cheeks.. I frowned, but I also smiled.. I failed but I also stood back again. My hardships always had successes parallel to them; my life accepted only few visitors: the qualities of being strong. 

Yet, what happens to a balloon once you poke it with a needle?
It doesn't gradually deflate, it just pops with a violent release of energy.

Be Nobody Again

-Love?-

I'm a little less than incomplete.. a little sadder than I seem to be. I'm hoping for more than I claim to wish for, I'm digging my own grave in me - I die, within me.. but I live, solo again..

I've vowed to never near poisons; wrath.. desire.. greed..

Yet, love - a noun that is a question; love? 

It is not poisonous, yet it causes most harm..

It intoxicates both my mind and heart.. leaving me with one question:

Love?

-How?-

How can I follow my heart to be sane when love dwells there? How can I follow my mind to be wise when love traps its sanity? How am I not to wound my pride? when love's force is stronger than my gravity?

-Pride?-

I've let it down.. so long ago.

I've priorities now

and they're all you.

You, the gate to comfort..

You, the death of past..

You, the white orchid among all black..

You.. and I, water and oil..

church and alcohol..

Yet, we do blend, at least in my own eyes..

-Courage?-

I've the courage to make you see right through me.
My words, even when unclear, mirror my own feelings, my own emotions.
I let you - I allow you to see the infusion of all the strengths that weaken me;
the sweet rivers and bitter oceans that never meet.
Sweet is the love..
Bitter is your cold shoulder that warms me not..
Bitter is the unknowing feeling..
Bitter is the refusal felt.
Bitter are my unanswered questions.
Nothing is ever bittersweet;
just sweet and bitter.

-Realization?-
Maybe, it won't feel as precious when it's mutual.. but maybe it brings more joy. Maybe, it kills the thrill.. but maybe it creates a better kind of thrill.
You're clueless yourself, or maybe just sure of something you'd rather hide.
And I, myself, won't know a thing..
Unless we go back to that time
that froze time itself.

So, would you kindly be nobody again?