Summer is always filled with memories, mostly good ones. It
is when everyone is in the mood for nothing but relaxation.. It is when almost
everyone seeks amends and wants to begin a new story that they shall never
forget.
On the other hand, the hot summer froze Annabelle’s heart,
and it gave her sorrow that no other person felt. She did not seek adjustments;
she only wanted to recover from the unmanageable pain that struck her.
Annabelle is a young lady whose heart has been stolen by the
knight of her dreams. However, unlike most women, Anna has found ways to keep
herself away from being fully-committed; in fact, she has never revealed the
true colors of her feelings – her feelings towards Smith, her knight.
Her love to him was exhausting; she had to hide her
affection, and it made her seem expressionless. What Smith thought Annabelle
was did not resemble what she really felt. He thought she was aloof, solemn and
vague. Sometimes, he felt she was unnecessary. Of course, that hurt Anna, since
all that could shake her was his presence, and only his. Yet, she could not
verbalize it. She could not even find a wordless gesture that would send him
the message – the message that she was undeniably and insanely in love with
him.
Smith was an entrepreneur whose life was not that ideal busy
one of a businessman. If he was not found in a 5* lounge, he would definitely
be ‘chilling’ in his yacht somewhere in the middle of nowhere. A man like him
was definitely fascinating to women, and also appealing; he was wealthy,
handsome, and gallant. However, Annabelle was indifferent about what he
possessed, his wealth and magnificence. She was unreservedly in love with every
ounce of his imperfection and fragile bit of his being.
It was about time that Smith recognized Annabelle as the
special person that he should’ve noticed from the beginning. He found something
in her that he never saw in any of the girls that he once was involved in a
relationship with, except that he could not point his finger at that specific
thing that distinguished Annabelle from all others. So, he began to trust her.
He began to speak out to her.
That could not please Annabelle as much as it infuriated
her, for Smith’s transparency included talking about his past with an outsider
that once governed his heart. Besides, it also made him wish to shut Annabelle
out of his life several times – whenever he remembered the way he was once ruined by a woman.
Annabelle restrained herself while Smith spilled out all
that he had. She cared not so much about being the missing piece in his life as
much as she wanted him to be happy – even if it meant concealing her anger and
jealousy. Hence, if he viewed her as a friend that he could talk to about
anything, she was honored to be that friend. She never wanted to burden him;
she did not want to enforce herself on him. So, she could let their friendship
flow and could burn her desire that sought to develop it.
Furthermore, she somewhat felt inferior. From what he said,
Annabelle believed that she could not make him happy the same way his
ex-girlfriend did. She felt that she lacked what it took to be that person that
could complete him; however, she just did not want to walk away from him – at
least not without having a stamp in his life that he would always remember.
Smith, on the other side, seemed to notice Anna’s
unconditional concern and care, and that it was not just ‘friendly’ of her. And
shockingly, he also seemed to intentionally fuel it.
He started calling her frequently – sometimes waking her up
to just talk. At times, Anna would think that he was just trying to boost his
ego since he was once love-wrecked and, maybe, mistreated by the woman he
adored, but her feelings for him could not allow her to push him away anymore.
She was finally content and happy with him. She found joy in every conversation
they had – even if it was mere silence. Yet, again, she was not convinced that
she was supposed to confront him about the way she felt.
Annabelle, even though conservative, still gave up many things
for Smith. She did not feel the need to be friends with any other man; even the
ones that were always like brothers to her. She also gradually grew out of her
hunger for achieving the certificate of merit in health sciences – her field of
interest, which was her number-one priority before Smith attached her soul to
his.
She found no harm in sacrificing for the sake of the one man
she was fond of. In fact, she was pleased to be the girl that pleased him.
As days went by, the two seemed unbreakable, at least, to
Annabelle. She reached an extent of finding no extent to her love. It was time
that she awaited the three-words to her heart before she could say them, but
Smith seemed unwilling to recognize his feelings. He was simply stuck somewhere
in his past where he felt incapable of loving Anna the right way.
That did not sadden her or disappoint her, for his closeness
was more than enough to create her comfort. Also, his devotion signaled an
upcoming realization – that he in deed loved her just as much as she did, or
else, why would anyone dedicate his time to one girl and make sure she knew she
was his only one?
Unsurprisingly, Smith finally filled Annabelle’s ears with
the words she secretly desired to hear. And at that point, there was nothing
that could beat her happiness. She fell head over heels; she could not even
think right nor consider any consequence of giving her all to one person.
And as soon as she began to impulsively plan their love life
in her head, Smith radically became distant. It was noticeable yet unexplained,
which was even harder to digest.
“I hate how he never instantly tells me if something is
wrong with him so I wouldn’t worry.. But nothing can stop me from going insane
and overthinking. I just hope he’s well because if he’s not, I might as well
collapse. His well-being means everything to me.” Annabelle thought to herself
during his absence.
And when she asked about him after giving him a one-day
break, Smith stabbed Anna’s heart with words sharper than a sword’s edge.
“We have nothing in
common. I’m honest with you; we’re not working out.” He said.
Annabelle was shocked to an extent that she wished it were a
joke. She could not even collect herself, and she stormed out.
“What do you mean we
can’t work out? Couldn’t you realize this earlier? Maybe before you
intentionally set fire to my rain and kindle all emotions?” She said.
Smith’s ego seemed tackled by her words; he said, “You’re the one who attached yourself to me.”
It was insensible since he clearly was the reason behind Annabelle’s crazy
attachment to him, and his argument was invalid.
She refused to take the argument further with him, for his
surprise. She simply chose to be the mature one and stay away despite her
terrible disillusion and fury. She believed that having a reason would’ve made
a difference, but it was what it was.
Monologue: “It’s not
the first time for him to say this exact sentence to me.. Not having anything
in common has always seemed to be an issue to him! Can’t he know that opposites
attract? And seriously, it’s stupid to even use that as a reason to end things
with me.
But he used to also
snap out of it eventually and restore normality with me.. I just don’t know why
it’s taking too long this time and why it seems a little bit more serious than
the other times.”
Days and weeks passed without Smith talking to Annabelle, or
at least apologizing, and every single day in his absence felt like a new life
to her – a bitter one that she could not tolerate. It was not strange, for he
had her nights occupied with his conversations and had her days occupied with
his thoughts, yet it was undeniably unfair on her.
He owed her an explanation, a rationalization, but he came
up with none, which also kept Annabelle away from initiating her desired
discussion to clarify things to help her accept the unwanted separation.
Consequently, Annabelle found herself stuck in a conundrum;
she began to suffocate in sorrow. She found no way to fill his vacancy, not
even by refocusing on her previous one-candle wish to be the valedictorian in
the college of health sciences. Her soul craved no interest whatsoever; she
only wished to isolate herself and feed on grief. Her breakdown started to be
obvious. Her family and friend were concerned, since she technically became someone
she never was; watching bunch of movies in a row, hanging out frequently,
eating junk food, and terribly struggling with insomnia. Not to mention, her
GPA also dropped and she did not seem to care like she always did.
The reason behind her collapse was embedded in the
unjustified and baseless split-up. Annabelle was simply not emotionally nor
mentally prepared to ever leave Smith’s side, and it seemed like he forced her
into separation for a reason that is not pointed out.
In the midst of the distance that stiffened Annabelle’s
pride yet worsened her sorrow, Smith chose to reappear in her life, claiming
that he was only ‘checking’ on her.
As soon as she saw her telephone ringing, she was confident
that his call would mean nothing to her.. Until she answered.
Her voice shook like a trembling tree resisting a hurricane.
Still, she reserved herself and did not show any interest in what he was doing.
He asked how she was and told her to take care, but she simply did not.
“Before we spoke of
our feelings, he would call me all of a sudden to just say hi, even if we were
in a fight – even if he was in a relationship.
And this makes me feel
awful because he might also be with someone else now.. ‘cause this is when he
realizes that he misses me.
I just don’t want him
to terrorize my emotions anymore. I already have nothing to look forward to,
nothing to hold on to, except my dignity.
The one man I thought
would never bring remorse upon me is a reason why I regret giving up a lot of
my priorities for. He’s just not worth it.
He’s not worth the
times I cried when I knew he wasn’t well…
He’s not deserving of
the fact that I put aside my studies to be there for him – to brighten his
darkest of days when I knew he needed someone.
He was oblivious for
years, and I still didn’t care, for all I wanted for him was contentment and
delight. I wanted him to be happy, whether with me or without me.. but not
until he gave me false hopes. At that point, I wanted to be the source of his
gratification and happiness, maybe because he was the source of mine.
Smith has taken over
me and all I’m doing now is try – trying to live as I survive.”
Annabelle decided to empty her head and get out of her shell.
She planned the days of summer vacation with her girl friends.
And on a day of those, she bumped into Smith, and it was not
a pleasant coincidence to her. However, she decided to break the ice; giving
him the impression that she was over him.
“It’s nice to see you,
Anna.” – S
“Thanks.” – A
“This place.. our
first rendezvous, remember?” – S
“Oh.. Ya, now I do.” –
A
“Can you believe it’s
been almost three years since we first met?” – S
“Well, time flies,
Smith, and everything changes before you even know it.
I need to go now.” – A
“Let me talk to you,
Anna.
Let me take you for dinner and forget…..” – S
“That you’ve been
unfair on me? That you began to be misleading ever since you told me you loved
me? That you left me clueless until this day? Forget what exactly!” – A
“Calm down. I can make
it up, I promise.. Just come with me.” – S
“I’m afraid you
can’t..
I’m not your puppet
anymore. I don’t wait until you’re back to your senses and welcome you in my
arms. Smith, you overdid it. I just… can’t.
You can’t just hurt me
and come back like you did nothing!” – A
They both remained
quiet for some time, and then Annabelle had the urge to spill out all that was
stored in her heart, and Smith was listening to her, inescapably.
“I loved you, Smith...
I wholeheartedly did. Having to walk away from me was the cruelest thing you’ve
ever done. A relationship with me was not exhausting; it required nothing but
sincerity… I’m unlike the rest; you can’t and shouldn’t please me with a Van
Cleef garland, a Rattlesnake purse or a fancy dinner… These things are inferior
to me; they mean nothing! If they kept any one of them in your life, the only
thing that ever hooked me to you was just you, yourself.” – A
“So are you telling me
that you stopped loving me?” – S
“I’m not. In fact, I
still love you and I miss you.
But I’m done believing
in you.
Goodbye.” – A
Annabelle figured out that her attachment to Smith had to
finally be torn. Yet, she knew that he would always be the story of her
heartbreak.
The End.
