I've taken a break & now I'm back with a little piece. Hope you enjoy it!
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I had a fairly perfect life, still, I thought was flourishing slowly. . . nothing was complete.
In the midst of pleasure, I still felt an unexplainable pain.
They'd say, "it's just life," but to me, it was always fate rumbling. . . change changing, soul aching, desire burning, peace screaming, and words hiding.
An intense emotion was spreading to my bones like a lethal ailment. . . until I figured its source. It was fear, hesitation, desire, and all other strong feelings that couldn't even blend or ever homogenize. Therefore, their stamps bruised my strength, shattered my courage, and held me back. . .
I questioned destiny and doubted luck, and I figured that they were never the trouble. . . it was something from within, whatever it was, that fogged our clarity and confused our capabilities.
We now think that we have no power to adore, no guts to confess, no strength to forget, no tears to cry. . . yet, we're missing out on what can be beautiful, we know we are.
As for my wish that has no place in this pot of mess, it is to overcome discontent and receive the only thing I seem to live for. On the other hand, I also wish for the opposite. Crazily, I want to keep giving the object of my affection and obsession the only thing I've never been able to give others. I want to be the only giver, not a receiver. Selfless yet domineering I am in this. . . selfless because I don't want to play the cassette of misery all over again; I don't want my aim to suffer the same way I've suffered. . . domineering, for I'm no longer perturbed nor unsettled. . . I find replenishment in loving.
And, I still await the rumbling fate to turn the table while keeping me where I am . . . giving me what I've given; giving me Love.
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