People sometimes hurt the ones that love them for the sake
of pleasing the ones they love. Love is
a sacrifice; a trade-off. There is always giving up something major and
valuable for something more valuable.
Sacrifice can be a dangerous thing and it has been deadly to
Isabel. She hurt no one but herself in order to please the one person she once
loved, for she knew he did not exactly love her – he did not love her at all.
The man she loved was a man wounded by several women, and
Isabel was the sufferer.
The efforts were exhausting, yet she still did all she could
do to just contain him and be there for him. For some time, he seemed thankful
to have her – he was thankful to have a girl he could enjoy for selfish
reasons: he wanted to feel stronger, loved and cherished. The things he
probably could never feel with the ones he loved most.
He gradually stimulated every bit of Isabel’s being, knowing
that she was in love with him; however, he did not aim to love her or ever
value her. He did the exact opposite; he degraded her and belittled her. He did
that even by exhibiting nothing but mere loyalty to Isabel.
She was not fooled; she knew the truth, she knew he was just
feeling empty. She was simply on a continuous journey of sacrifice. Blinding
herself, feigning insensibility, and running without a inhalation nor
exhalation. She knew a day beyond her comprehension would come; him hitting her
with the truth she always knew. And yet, she chose to devote herself, her power
and time to that one ungrateful man.
At times, he would lie to her..
At other times, he would try to make her happy in the
strangest ways..
But at all times, he was hurting it.
When he tried to please her by making her feel like a
priority, she would feel as though he was just feeling bad for her – for loving
him.
And when he lied and acted weirdly, she was afraid of being
shut out right away.
Sometimes, she would chop her hair alone as a reflex.
Sometimes, she would cry herself to sleep. Sometimes, she would dance until she
is controlled by the music. And that was because she never wanted to confront
him, she only wanted to seem foolish; believing he was a faithful lover.
The labyrinth with him could not make her any more tangled.
She did not give up until he did. He basically stopped feeling comfortable with
all his indecency with Isabel. He got trapped, he wanted a way out.. So, he
ended the relationship with Isabel that was more to her than a mere unofficial
linkage between a guy and a girl. It was a huge risk she took, a great pain she
handled, and an ongoing exhaustion.
She let him be, fulfilling his choice. Separation – a permanent
one. Her only remedy was writing; the only way she would eliminate her emotions
that fly high and sink deep..
She wrote, referring to herself:
You couldn't buy her
nor buy her happiness.
You couldn't secure her with chains
nor chain her to you.
The only thing you did was the worst thing you could ever
do.
She was a ball in your roulette; the game you knew you would
never win.
not because she did not spin right
but because you could not differentiate between odd and
even.
She was the appealing damsel that you were not determined to
wed
only determined to enjoy and destroy.
You turned her beating red heart into a pulsating black dust
that you walked across but did not wish to own
You turned her innocent behavior into an unfaithful ill soul
You drove her mad in ways only the devil could control
only the devil could come up with.
She knew it all, what you think she did not know..
And yet, she still knew there was no space enough to fit her
but the heartache your arms offered.
So, that was why she came back to where she never belonged;
To love you, for she was faithful
And you were faithful not.
Isabel realized that he was the coward that whole time, and she managed to stop loving him. But the anger dwelled in her little betrayed heart, and frustration accompanied her brutal pride.
The End
